


Unprofessional Behavior

by hereforthephilindafics



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:22:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22606951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforthephilindafics/pseuds/hereforthephilindafics
Summary: Coulson and May get sprayed with a suspicious substance while on a botched mission. Once at a safe house they start exhibiting some strange symptoms.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 12
Kudos: 68





	Unprofessional Behavior

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look! Another sex pollen story. I’m so original I know!
> 
> You didn’t ask for this but I wanted to write it.
> 
> Enjoy!

Melinda groaned as she kicked the safe house’s door open, while still trying to balance Coulson who was hanging from her left shoulder, so that he didn’t fall. Their mission had gone to shit within the first hour thanks to an inexperienced, imbecile, full of his own bullshit, field commander. They had been left without coms or extraction.

Halfway through the walk to the nearest safe house, Coulson had said he didn’t feel well but couldn’t pin-point what it was. Melinda wasn’t feeling that hot either, but she had dragged them to safety. She hoped this dump had tea, at this point it didn’t even matter if it was green tea or not.

“We don’t get paid enough for this,” Coulson said. He groaned as Melinda lowered him into the closest chair she could find.

“We keep fucking up like this, Fury won’t pay us period.”

Melinda did a perimeter check. The safe house was only one story high and held two rooms, a bathroom, and an open space that doubled as a kitchen and common area. She walked to the back door, leaned against the wall, and pushed the yellowed curtains open with her gun, peeking through them quickly. Nothing seemed to move in the woods outside. If the house had been bugged at one point the rats and roaches had most likely eaten through the wires.

“How do you feel?” she asked when she walked back to Coulson.

He was sitting straighter in the chair and had taken off his jacket. “The weakness is fading but now I feel hot.”

Melinda swallowed. She felt hot too but had attributed it to the hike and adrenaline. “Whatever that substance was that we got sprayed with…. If it was toxic, we would be dead by now…right?”

Coulson shrugged. “That warehouse had been closed for decades. Maybe it’s expired so it’s working slower.”

Melinda rolled her eyes. “You were supposed to say: you’re right, Agent May.”

Coulson smirked. “Come on, I’m still alive enough to make us some food.”

She shook her head. “All I want is a shower and sleep.” She frowned when Coulson licked his lips as she said shower.

“Do you mind if I go first?”

Melinda shook her head. “I’ll make some tea.”

The rooms were divided by the common area, so they went in opposite directions. Melinda could hear Coulson rummage through the drawers in his room while she did the same in hers. She lifted the mattress to check for bed bugs and shook the covers a few times. Those quick movements had made her break a sweat.

She frowned as she observed herself in the mirror. Her pupils were a little dilated, but Melinda couldn’t see any drastic changes. She did unzip her tactical suit, however. After a few moments she just peeled it off, walking back to the kitchen in her boy-shorts and tank top. The lack of clothing was not helping her be any cooler.

Melinda tried to distract herself as she prepared the tea, but even the warmth of the gas stove was too much. The shower shut off. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She was too tired to properly meditate, but she was trying to clear her mind and analyze her actions. How had it all gone so wrong, and why wasn’t she as on edge as she had thought she would be?

Melinda moaned when a cool hand grasped her neck. She pushed off the counter and bumped into Coulson’s back. She bit her lip not to let another moan slip when she felt his erection. That’s why he had taken so long, yet the cold shower hadn’t helped.

Coulson still had his right hand on the back of her neck, his thumb rubbing lightly. Melinda sighed. That broke whatever had descended upon them.

“S…sorry. I don’t know what that was,” Coulson said.

Melinda turned and smiled. Any other night she would have kicked him in the balls but right now… she kept thinking of the thick hardness she had felt against her ass and wanted nothing more than to feel it again, on and in, other parts of her body.

Coulson blinked when he didn’t get an answer. “I uhhh… I think the tea will just make me hotter. Sorry you wasted your time.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll just go sleep whatever this is off.”

Melinda nodded. “Mmhhhmmm,” she said as she watched Coulson walk away. His ass looked even firmer in the gray sweats he had thrown on.  _ What the hell was that? _

He stopped and turned. “Mel, you okay?”

Melinda licked her lips when she saw the bulge in the front. She could not only see the outline but tell how he hung and where the head was. Was Coulon aware he had a hard on? Melinda felt hypnotized. She had to dig her nails in her palms to react. 

“Yeah…ummm… just out of it. This mission was a complete fail.”

“Yeah.” Coulson fidgeted with the pockets of the sweatpants, like he was anxious to get away from her. “It will look better in the morning. Sleep it off. Get me if you don’t feel good, okay? Night!”

Melinda didn’t bother to reply. She didn’t think she could. Her breathing had increased so much she thought she was going to hyperventilate. She turned to the sink, started the faucet, and stuck her head under it. The cold water made her whimper, but she felt less dizzy and more focused after a few moments. Melinda shut off the water, made sure everything had been turned off, and stumbled to her room. Suddenly too exhausted for a shower, she collapsed face first on the bed.

Melinda woke up because she heard whimpering. She was in the same position she had fallen asleep in; on top of the covers with her face shoved between the pillows. She sighed as she turned on her back and stretched her muscles. Maybe she was dream- There it was again. 

The soft sounds were becoming more frequent. Melinda got to her feet and grabbed her gun. She padded silently to the common area and followed the noise. She frowned when it led her to Coulson’s room. The door was open, so she took a look.

Coulson was on top of the covers, completely naked, and holding his dick. His dick that was steel hard and leaking pre-cum. He grunted, again and again, those deep, staccato grunts he usually made when he was hurt. The hand wrapped around his dick moved up and down, alternating in speed.

Melinda bit her lip to stop the moan she felt rising in her throat. She exhaled deeply and leaned against the wall. She shouldn’t be watching. This was personal. Granted the idiot hadn’t locked the door and didn’t realize how much his voice carried, but it was still private.

Coulson moaned. It was a high-pitched moan this time, like he was in pain.  Fuck it , Melinda thought. She decided to be a horrible person and watch. Coulson had gotten on his knees and was jerking off facing the door. He looked up the moment Melinda peeked in. She gasped and turned on her heels toward her room.

“Shit!” Coulson grunted as he got off the bed. His footsteps got closer until he stopped in front of the closed door. “Mel? I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean...I thought you were asleep...”

Melinda leaned against the door and bit her lip. Coulson’s voice was deep and raspy. All she could think about was the way his chest had shone with sweat while he knelt on the bed. His pecs flexing while his dick twitched.

“Mel...please say something. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. And I’m sorry you had to find out I’m just another gross man who jerks off when he’s horny.”

Melinda took a deep breath to steady her voice before she spoke. “You’re not gross.”

“I...wait... what?”

Melinda giggled. She could picture how he was looking at the door, those bright blue eyes of his wide and confused. Just like a puppy eager to play. She was ready for some play too.

Coulson was indeed giving her his signature puppy eyes when she opened the door but Melinda was focused on something much lower. She hummed when she realized his erection had not gone down one bit during their conversation. Coulson was actually stroking it. 

He bit his lip. “I’m sorry...I’m not sure what’s taken over me.”

Melinda blinked, finally connecting the dots. The substance they were both sprayed with was not deadly because it looked like it just made people horny. It would explain their strange behavior, her dilated pupils, and why Coulson couldn’t resist to rub one out while on mission. Melinda felt hot again. She moaned when she moved her thighs and felt wetness between them.

“Mel...please say something, ‘cause I feel like you’re gonna punch me in the face and then report me.”

Melinda laughed. She threw her arms around Coulson’s neck and pulled him closer. His erection rubbed against her belly. “Coulson, I think we are under the influence of some drug that’s affecting our libido.”

Coulson moaned. “Fuck! Mel... I... I don’t think jerking off will do me any good. That wasn’t the first time...” He leaned his forehead against hers. “We need to call extraction and medical.”

“But they will take forever. Might not even come till tomorrow.” Melinda moved closer to his body, pushing his erection against his belly. Coulson whined. “What are you going to do till then? You’re going to wear yourself raw. Your hand can’t take it.” Melinda giggled.

“We’ve been drugged...you can’tconsent.”

Melinda brushed the head of his cock with her fingertips. The pre-cum there soaked her digits. She placed them in her mouth and sucked. “Does it look like I’m not willing?”

“Fuck!” Coulson growled. He placed his hands under her thighs and lifted her up. “Fuck, Mel I can feel your heat already.”

Melinda moaned as the head of his cock rubbed against the crotch of her panties. They were completely soaked. 

“Do you want...ohhhh shit!” Melinda threw her head back and moaned as Coulson pulled her nipples with his teeth over her tank top. She ground against him. “You need to fuck me now! If this thing doesn’t fade right away we will have enough time to do it all. Just...ohhhh fuck that’s good...just put it in. Phil please!”

Coulson grunted as he backed them against the nearest wall. He didn’t even try to take her underwear off but simply hooked his finger in the crotch and pushed them to the side. Melinda whined while he rubbed the head of his cock against her folds. It came away dripping. 

“Fuck, Mel! I’ve dreamed about your pussy so many times. I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

Melinda moaned, choosing the ignore a part of that sentence. “I swear if you don’t fuck me right now I will lock my room’s door and let you jerk off until...oh oh oh shit... oh yes, fuck, Coulson...so good.. mmmm...”

Coulson chuckled as he continued to thrust into her. Melinda’s moan mixed with her laugh. She couldn’t believe this was actually happening but Coulson’s cock was inside her, hard and throbbing, and she couldn’t think of anything more.

“Not so chatty anymore, Agent May?” Coulson leaned closer and bit her ear. He buried his face in her neck and moaned as Melinda squeezed him tight. “I hope these performances are graded on pleasure level and not stamina because...”

Melinda whined. “Are you about to blow?”

“I was about to blow the second I was inside you, right now I’m....ohhhhh fuuuuuuck!”

Melinda sighed as she felt herself being filled with cum. A remote part of her brain made a mental note to address the unprotected sex when they had to disclose this to medical but she was on the shot and she didn’t think Coulson had anything.

He was licking her throat and panting. “I swear I’m gonna make you cum I just need a breather... and some water.”

Melinda grunted as she got back on the ground. She had to hold the wall for a second. “I’m going to the bed and getting started. Get your own water.”

Coulson laughed. He smacked her ass when she turned to head to her room. Melinda bit her lip, thinking how hard he would be willing to spank her if she asked. She took off her tank top and underwear and collapsed on the bed with a huff. She laid on her back, spread her legs, and touched herself to see how wet she was.

“I can see how shinny your folds are,” Coulson said, standing in the doorway of her room. “Fuck, Mel...can I eat your pussy?”

Melinda groaned. “If you weren’t talking you’d already be.” She laughed when Coulson jumped head first on the bed and crawled in between her thighs.

He wrapped his arms around her thighs and looked up at her. “Tell me if you don’t like anything.”

It was a good thing Coulson was holding her thighs because Melinda’s entire body convulsed when he gave her a few experimental licks. She moaned, running her fingers through his hair. She hadn’t expected Coulson to be as good as he was. Melinda was starting to think he did more than read Captain America comics in his room.

“Mmmmm, so sweet,” Coulson said as he licked his lips, looking up at her.

Melinda rolled her eyes. “Pussy is not supposed to be sweet. Stop trying to sweet talk me, you already got me into bed.”

Coulson spanked her, laughing. “I’ll get back to eating you out then.”

Melinda moaned as his tongue flicked her clit a few times before rubbing up and down her folds, lapping up all her juices. She sank her finger in his hair and pulled hard, smirking when Coulson moaned. He inserted a finger slowly but Melinda was so wet it slipped right in.

“Fuck, Mel... your pussy just took that. You can’t wait for more can you?”

Melinda clutched her pillow and lifted her hips, grinding her pelvis into Coulson’s face. He slipped two more fingers in and found her g-spot. He fucked her with his finger like it was his cock slipping in and out of her.

Melinda moaned. “Coulson...fuck oh fuck that’s.... careful I’m gonna squirt...”

Coulson looked up at her wide eyed. “You really do that?” He kissed her belly and rested his chin on it. 

Melinda huffed, twisting on the bed. “I would have if you didn’t stop.”

“I can fix that,” Coulson said. He started finger fucking her again and Melinda almost screamed.

The pressure inside her grew every second that Coulson had his fingers in her. He sucked on her clit and then Melinda did scream. She fisted the sheets as her clit throbbed. Liquid squirted out of her and hit Coulson straight in the chest. 

Melinda looked at him when she came down from her high. His mouth hung open.

She chuckled. Coulson buried his face between her thighs again and started lapping up the wetness that clung to her folds. After a while Melinda whined and pushed his head away.

“That was fucking awesome!” Coulson said. He crawled out of between her thighs and flopped on his back next to her.

Melinda sighed “Do you think it’s gone now that we did it?”

Coulson winced. “Yeah...about that.” His hand drifted down and wrapped around his semi-hard cock.

Melinda grunted. “What the hell was that spray? Super-viagra?”

Coulson laughed. “We don’t have to. I can go back to my room and we can wait for extraction.”

Melinda bit her lip. That was the reasonable thing to do but... she ran her hand over her breasts. Her nipples were hard and sensitive and the more she pulled and pinched the wetter she got. All she could think about was getting Coulson’s dick back inside her. She pushed him down and straddled him.

“I’m guessing that’s a no,” he said, running his hands up her thighs and spanning her waist with his big palms.

“You need to fuck me, properly this time,” Melinda said. She ran her hand down the nape of his neck and pulled hard. “I expect you to last more than ten minutes and I expect to come before you.”

Coulson grunted. Melinda shrieked when suddenly he was standing, holding her securely by the waist. “Let’s see if this will do it for you.” He lined up his cock with her entrance.

Melinda moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist tighter. She bit her lip when she felt the head push in and then whined when Coulson bottomed out. He grasped her ass and held her firmly as he pushed in and out of her, fucking her with quick thrusts. Melinda moaned, throwing her head back.

“Do you like it, Mel? Do you like bouncing on my dick? You’re so tiny I could do this for hours.” Coulson looked down and moaned. “Fuck, my cock just disappears in your pussy like it’s nothing. You really must be flexible to take all of that.”

Melinda moaned. “Your cock is not that big, Coulson.” She knew he could tell she was lying. The first time she had seen his dick during an undercover mission she had almost blown their cover.

He leaned to whisper in her ear. “I can prove you wrong because my cock is bulging your belly while I fuck you.” They both moaned. “It’s so fucking hot, Mel. I never imagined it would be this good.”

Melinda squeezed her eyes shut and moaned. “Play with my clit, please please...”

Coulson grunted as he lowered her on the bed. He pushed her knees to her shoulders and continued sliding in and out of her. 

Melinda opened her eyes to see him watching intently where they joined. He licked his lips every time his shaft re-appeared, dripping with her slick. “Coulson, please...I need...oh fuck!”

He looked up at her as he sucked her right nipple. His fingers pulled and pinched the left one before sliding down her belly and finally flicking her clit.

“Oh shit...shit Coulson...keep doing...ohhhhh I’m gonna cum...”

But before Melinda could feel the warmth of her orgasm spread through her, Coulson took his fingers away and pulled out. He knelt on the bed, jerking his cock.

Melinda whined. “Why would you do that! I was so close!”

Coulson moaned, his cock was dripping pre-cum on the sheets. “Suck me off? Please?”

Melinda grinned and licked her lips. She followed him as Coulson leaned against the pillows, spreading his legs. “Tell me before you come,” she said, and bent down to wrap her lips around his tip.

“Ohhh fuck... this was a bad idea I’m not gonna...”

Melinda let his cock go with a pop and squeezed him at the base. “Get it together, Agent. You’re not ruining my fun cause you have no self-control.”

Coulson threw his head back and laughed. He sank his fingers in Melinda’s hair and pulled her head close to his cock again. “You have no idea how good your little mouth is.” He hissed when Melinda sucked him all the way in. “Oh yeah...fuck you’re so good. Where did you learn to suck dick like this?”

Melinda looked up at him with a mouth full of his cock. She let him go with a loud slurp; the shaft came out shining of her spit and just bobbed in front of her. “Where did you learn to eat pussy?”

Coulson licked his lips and laughed. “Okay, I’ll stop talking now. I’m so close.” He moaned.

“Nuh uh. You need to fuck me. Not waisting all your cum.”

Coulson moaned. “Should I...should I get a condom?”

Melinda shook her head as she crawled on top of him and sat on his cock. “I’m on the shot and I trust you.” She rocked her hips back and forth.

“I trust you too...oh shit your pussy is so good.” Coulson locked his hands on her waist and started fucking up into her.

Melinda let go of his arms and leaned back, grasping his shins and holding on.

“I’ve wanted to fuck you in every way I could for so long, Mel.” Coulson sat up straighter and leaned over, sucking and pulling her nipples. “You have no idea how many jerk off sessions I’ve had after every undercover mission we did.”

Melinda moaned. She was having trouble focusing. Her orgasm kept teasing her. She could feel her pussy tighten around Coulson’s cock and her clit throb but then the warmth would fade away before she could push herself over the edge. From the sounds he was making, Coulson was struggling too. 

“Keep...keep talking please! I need...” Melinda huffed as she started rubbing her clit furiously.

Coulson licked her throat before she whispered in her ear. “One night when we went out you wore this tiny, red dress. I could tell you had no underwear on and your nipples...oh fuck Mel I’m so close... your nipples got harder the more you drank. I wanted nothing more than to bend you over the counter and fuck your tight pussy from behind.”

“Oh fuck...why didn’t you...shit Phil I’m gonna...oh oh oh!”

Melinda sank her nails in Coulson’s shoulders as her orgasm finally _finally_ started. Her vision blurred and her muscles froze expect for her pussy. She squeezed the hard shaft inside her so tight it left Coulson no other choice but to blow his load. She mewled as she felt him twitch inside, shooting out every last drop of cum.

“Fuck you make the sexiest sounds, Mel.” Coulson wrapped an arm around her waist and pushed her down between the pillows. He moaned when his cock slipped out.

Melinda bit her lip when she realized he was still hard. His shaft was dripping and he rubbed the head on her inner thigh, his body convulsing each time he did it. She ran her fingers through his hair. “Did you really mean what you said?”

Coulson looked up from sucking her nipples. “I said a lot of things.” 

“That you’ve been thinking about me...about fucking me.”

Coulson chuckled. “Mel, I don’t think there’s a man alive who has meet you and hasn’t wanted to fuck you.”

Melinda rolled her eyes and pushed him away. “You know that’s not a compliment right? I’m not a piece of meat you just rut into...”

“No no wait wait that’s not what...” Coulson got on his knees and pulled her closer. “I meant; you’re so perfect and beautiful anyone who doesn’t appreciate that is in idiot.” He pulled her on his lap and bent down to kiss her belly. “And I was always worried I wasn’t good enough to deserve your attention.”

Melinda hummed. “You are a dork.” She squealed when he pinched a nipple. “But had I known you were so good at giving head...”

Coulson huffed. “Who’s objectifying who now?”

Melinda laughed as she sat up and climbed into his lap. She trapped his hard cock between their bellies and rocked back and forth. “I’m teasing. But I know why you hesitated. We have a really good partnership going. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“And I’d never want to do anything to make you uncomfortable-“

They both froze and turned to look at the door at the loud bang. A number of footsteps followed as multiple voices traveled toward them. 

“Shit,” Melinda said as she tried to scramble out of Coulson’s arms.

“Too late,” he said, chuckling.

“Make sure you search this whole place. If they were affected they won’t...holy fucking shit!” Maria turned around the second she opened the door.

Melinda leaned her head against Coulson’s shoulder who was smirking. A few agents whistled. Melinda’s back was to the door and her whole ass was on display.

“One week suspension for anyone who can’t keep this professional,” Maria said. “Two of our agents have been affected by a drug basically used to roofie people. They could not help this.”

“Thanks for saying Agent May is out of my league, Agent Hill,” Coulson said.

“Shut up and get dressed, Agent Coulson.”

“Could we get some privacy?” Melinda said, turning her head to look at Maria. 

Maria rolled her eyes and nodded at the agents with her. They left but Maria stayed. She stepped into the room and closed the door. 

“Can’t wait to see what Melinda was enjoying?” Coulson said.

Maria crossed her arms over the chest and raised her eyebrow. “So you finally grew a pair and made a move?”

Melinda laughed as she saw Coulson’s mouth open and close. “I don’t think getting sprayed with a toxin that affected our libido counts as a move.” She got off Coulson’s lap and reached for her underwear. 

Coulson was still on the bed, glaring at Maria. And he was still hard as a rock. Melinda wanted to whine. They were not even close to done.

“Medical is on their way. They have an injection that should balance this out.” Maria turned on her heels and left.

Coulson was actually blushing, his cheeks were almost the same color as the head of his cock. The slit was still wet with pre-cum. He caught her staring and rubbed the back of his neck. “This is worse than getting caught by your parents when you’re sixteen.”

Melinda walked back to the bed. “You have no idea how badly I want to suck your cock right now.”

Coulson grunted. “Let’s not give Maria more ammunition.”

“Mmhhmm.” Yet Melinda sank to her knees and brought the tip of his erection to her mouth. Her tongue lapped at the pre-cum like it was ice-cream.

Coulson bit his lip to hold back his moan. “Oh fuck that’s even better than before...shit shit Mel!” He sunk his hand in her hair and pulled hard.

Melinda whined. She let him go with a wet pop. “Shhhhh. You don’t want Maria to come back do you?”

Coulson shook his head, his chest heaving. As if on purpose there was a knock on the door.

“Both of your better be dressed and ready for medical in five. I better not walk in there and find you reenacting the Kama-sutra.”

They both groaned. Coulson pulled Melinda up and she sat on his lap. 

“We’ll continue this when we are not high and out of our minds, right?” He pulled back to look into her eyes.

Melinda smiled and kissed him.

“That’s it! I’m calling Fury,” Maria said on the other side of the door.


End file.
